Вы можете использовать эту реализацию:
class User < ActiveRecord::Base
has_many :friends, :through => :friendships, :conditions => "status = 'accepted'"
has_many :requested_friends, :through => :friendships, :source => :friend, :conditions => "status = 'requested'", :order => :created_at
has_many :pending_friends, :through => :friendships, :source => :friend, :conditions => "status = 'pending'", :order => :created_at
has_many :friendships, :dependent => :destroy
end
class Friendship < ActiveRecord::Base
belongs_to :user
belongs_to :friend, :class_name => "User"
end